


I’m So Tired...

by rox2the_anne



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, Fluff, M/M, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pining Simon Snow, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Post-Watford (Simon Snow), Roommates, SnowBaz, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Watford (Simon Snow)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-03-30 20:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rox2the_anne/pseuds/rox2the_anne
Summary: You are cordially invited to attend the holy union of Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch and Agatha Elizabeth Wellbelove... Wait, what?!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the person on Tumblr who requested that I write the “Gasp! There was only one bed!” trope. 
> 
> I hope you like it, dear!

Prologue 

SIMON 

 

“Simon Snow, have you heard a word I’ve said?”  
I look up from the peas I’ve been scooting around on my plate. Agatha looks cross with me. She has every right to be though. I haven’t been listening to her since we’ve sat down to dinner. I’m too distracted... too nervous.  
“I’m sorry, Ags,” I say, “I zoned out for a tic. You were saying?”  
Agatha goes into a rant about something that happened at the Spring Classic last weekend that she’s still miffed about. I’ve never been very horsey, so I’m only understanding about half what she’s saying, so I smile and nod and scoff or grunt when I think it’s appropriate.  
“Penny says that you should visit the states soon since you’re so keen on horses. Have you heard of the Kentucky Derby?”  
Agatha and I have been a couple since our fifth year at Watford and I still need conversation tips from Pen. Pathetic.  
“Of course, I have,” Agatha says, “Everyone has.”  
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. She’s so snooty sometimes. In a cute way. I need to change the subject though. Before I lose my nerve.  
Everyone thinks I’m so brave, and I am, I suppose. When it comes to Agatha though... I’m always so unsure of myself.  
“Well, I’d like to take you sometime. I don’t know when that happens, but I’ll find out,” I tell her, “and we can visit Penny at the same time.”  
Agatha does roll her eyes, “How romantic.”  
I slip my hand in my pocket and turn the ring box over again and again. I clear my throat anxiously and sit up a little straighter. It’s suddenly boiling in here. I tug on my collar a bit and Agatha gives me a concerned look. Oh no. Better get on with it.  
“Speaking of romantic,” I begin, “Agatha, I wanted to ask-“ I look into Agatha’s eyes and stop mid sentence. She has a look of sheer terror on her face. She sets her fork down next to her baked chicken and takes my free hand into hers.  
“Simon, I can’t marry you,” she says gently.  
Immediately my brain starts firing off about a hundred outraged remarks. What do you mean? We’ve been together since we were kids! Couldn’t you have mentioned before our seven year anniversary? __  
All I manage to get out is one word, barely more than a whisper, “Why?”  
I can feel hot tears pricking behind my eyes but I don’t move to wipe them. I just cling to the ring box in my pocket with one hand and Agatha’s delicate fingers in the other.  
“I just can’t, Simon,” she replies. “You and I made sense in high school and I guess after you and Penny saved my life and the whole world of magick, _I couldn’t very well break up with you...But now it’s just clear that...” she trails off and looks up at me as if she’s said too much. “I love you, Simon, I do.”_  
“Just not enough to marry me,” I quip.  
“It’s not...not enough,” she says. Now there are tears in her eyes, “It’s just not that way.”  
Ouch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny & Simon get some news.
> 
> Technically, this is chapter one. We’re five months past the prologue now.

PENELOPE 

I emerge from my bedroom to find Micah at the dining table reading something intently on my computer. I kiss him on the cheek as I shuffle past towards the kitchen, “I was wondering where my laptop went,” I say, “Tea?”  
“Sure,” he calls, “ Hey, so uh,  
Agatha Wellbelove; that’s your friend, right? Simon’s ex?”   
I peer out of the kitchen door to him, “Yeah, why?”  
“Well, you’ve got an envelope here from her, and I think I know what it’s about,” he says, tilting his head towards the screen in front of him.  
I set the tea canister down on the counter and walk over to read over his shoulder, “Grimm-Pitch/Wellbelove Wedding to be Social Event of the Season...” I clasp a hand over my mouth, “Fuck a nine toed troll!”

SIMON

I startle awake to the sound of Penny shouting irately and Micah shushing her. I lay in bed for a moment, trying to wake completely; listening but not really listening. When I think I hear Agatha’s name, I roll out of bed and dress quickly. I open my bedroom door and spot the pair of them having a whispered argument.  
“What’s going on?” I ask.   
Penny and Micah both freeze and turn to me slowly as if they need time to prepare before they look at me fully. “Well?” I press.  
Penny looks at Micah and they have a brief, silent conversation about whether or not to tell me something.  
“Here,” Micah says as if he’s got the solution. He turns Penny’s laptop towards me, “Read for yourself.”  
Penny lunges forward a bit and chides him, “Nice.”  
“He’s a grown man, Penelope,” he replies. They bicker a bit more, but I’ve already tuned them out. The article on the screen is all I can focus on.   
And that picture.  
 _It’s you_ , I think.   
Smiling up at me, looking more gorgeous than any memory could do justice.  
{+}


	3. Chapter 3

SIMON

“How could she?” I demand, “How could she do this to me?”   
Penny and Micah give me twin pitying looks full of concern. 

“She’s not doing anything to you, Si,” Penny says carefully.   
“Ah, horse shit,” I explode, “She didn’t want to get married just five months ago and now this...” I pause gesturing angrily at the laptop. I don’t even know what to call this shit show, I’m so mad.  
“They can’t help who they love,” Penny says at the same time Micah says, “Maybe it was arranged by their families.”   
Penny looks over at Micah pensively, “Actually, that makes a lot of sense. Forget my thing.” I look at her questioningly and she continues, “I always thought that Baz was...” she stops and bites her lip then waves a hand in the air, “Well never mind what I thought.”  
I roll my eyes, “He’s my enemy is what he is,” I supply for her, “and Agatha bloody well knows that better than anyone.”  
I start pacing the floor and pulling roughly at my curls, “I knew she had a thing for him back at Watford. I reckon I should have seen this coming.” I heave out a loud sigh and flop down on the couch.   
I close my eyes and a moment later I feel Penny sit down next to me. She wraps her hand around mine. “He isn’t your enemy anymore, Simon,” she says, making me wince, “I thought you two ended on decent terms?”  
She’s right. We did end on decent terms. From the moment Baz and I met, we hated each other. It was all principles and politics, of course, but we played our parts well.  
During our seventh year of school, Baz went missing for weeks. During his absence, the spirit of his dead mother visited our room and confessed to me that her murderer was still running free. I told Baz all about the encounter when he finally came back. Because it was his mum and I’d want anyone to do the same for me.  
He immediately started trying to crack the case. Meanwhile, Penny and I came to the conclusion that the Mage wasn’t who we thought he was. She and I went off on our own investigation. Turns out we were right. It all ended horribly with the Mage dead, and Baz’s mother’s soul finally at rest.  
Baz and I never said another cross word to each other after that. We had an understanding. We had each other’s backs during the interrogations that insued. We even shook hands after the leavers ball. I thought we could maybe even be friends.   
I was wrong.  
I never heard from him again after that night, and now... Now he’s back on my shit list.


	4. Chapter 4

BAZ

I sigh and my reflection sighs with me.  
“Is this one not to your liking, sir?” The tailor asks me; his face has gone all tense, “It isn’t too late to change your mind.”  
Dev stands up from the plush white chair he’s been lounging on, “No, no,” he says waving his hands around, “he loves it. We’re all good here, thank you.”   
We both watch as the tailor retreats into his office, then turn to look at ourselves in the mirror.  
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Dev says to me.   
“Yes, I do.”  
{+}

SIMON

“This was a bad idea,” I say to myself. I’m looking at myself in the mirror above the sink of the guest bathroom.   
I shouldn’t have come here. To England. To Penelope parents’ house.   
I’m not going to the wedding. Fuck that. But Pen did talk me into coming back home with her. She said it would be good for me to give England a proper goodbye. I think she’s been talking to my therapist behind my back again.   
“This was not a bad idea, Si,” Penny shouts through the door, “Now hurry up. I need to do my makeup.”  
Penny is going to Agatha’s bachelorette party tonight. I look in the mirror once more.  
This was a bad idea.  
{+}

PENELOPE 

Simon is sitting on my parents’ couch watching crappy daytime tv. I feel so bad for leaving him in this state, but Agatha is my friend too. I want to ask him if he’ll be alright on his own for the night, but I don’t want to seem patronizing.  
“Well, I’m heading out now,” I say as casually as I can manage.   
“Alright,” Simon says without looking up from the telly.  
“Simon...” I start, but he looks up at me with a ‘Don’t finish that sentence’ look.  
“Have fun,” he says, then looks back to the tv.   
“Ok then,” I say awkwardly, “I don’t know how late I’ll be.”  
“I won’t wait up,” he grunts.  
“I’ll text and let you know when I’m headed back,” I say and he just nods.   
I nod too, even though he isn’t looking at me.   
I wish I could do something for him. Anything. I can’t though, so I just leave.


	5. Chapter 5

SIMON

Penny has only been gone for nearly an hour, and I’m already going out of my mind. I’m bored as hell and I can’t stop obsessing about Agatha’s bachelorette party. Baz will be having his Stag Night tonight as well then, right?  
I shake my head to clear my mind of the disturbing images that came with that thought.  
I start pacing around the living room, distractedly looking at family pictures on the shelves and walls.  
I freeze when I come to a picture of Penny with Baz at graduation. He was head of our class (of course) and Pen got honorable mention since her GPA was only a fraction lower than his. Penny is beaming in the photo and Baz has a little smirk that says he doesn’t want to let on how much he really likes her.  
He was always that way. He never wanted to show his emotions. Not the good ones anyway.  
I guess he’s changed.  
I need to get out of here. I need a diversion. And a drink.

BAZ

I need to get out of here. My nice relaxing night of brandy and cigars has taken an awful turn. I’m now stuck on a party bus with twenty drunk men and I heard whispers that we’re headed to a strip club instead of the lodge as promised.

SIMON

I’ve called for a car and now I’m pacing back and forth as I wait for it. I’m not quite sure where to go. I just know I need to get the hell out of the Bunce’s house.   
I hear the driver honk the horn and I practically sprint outside. I take a deep breath of fresh air and open the passenger door.   
“So, it is you,” my driver remarks. Oh no. Not a fan. Please. Random people have the wild idea that I might want to rehash the worst night of my life in which I happened to save the world of magic with them. I don’t. Ever.  
I snap my buckle into place then look over at her, but she isn’t looking at me with awe, just calm expectation.  
“It’s me,” she says then rolls her eyes a little at my inability to place her, “Keris.”  
“Oh right, from Watford,” I’m a little embarrassed that I forgot her name. It has been almost five years since I’ve seen her though. “Wow, you’ve really grown,” I say and she gives me an odd look. “Up,” I clarify.   
She smiles and nods, “So, where are we going, Simon Snow?”   
“Oh, I don’t know,” I admit, “I hadn’t thought.”  
“Not making my job easy here, Simon,” she says with a smile, “What do you want to do?”  
“Drink,” I tell her.   
“Now that I can work with,” she says and the car lurches forward.   
{+}


	6. Chapter 6

SIMON

“Want to talk about it?” Keris asks after a we’ve made the proper amount of chit chat. I told her that I really do remember her and I asked about Trixie. They’re still together and Trixie is doing very well. She’s a stay at home mum and yoga teacher. Keris is a writer and likes to drive and make chit chat with strangers for inspiration. Now apparently it’s my turn to talk about myself. Only...  
“Not really,” I admit.   
“Are you in town for the wedding?” She asks. I raise my eyebrows at her in surprise.   
“Sort of. Im here with Penny. She’s going to the wedding, but I just... can’t.” I look out the window and watch as the scenery becomes more and more urban with every red light we go through. Into the city it is then.   
“I totally understand,” Keris says without looking away from the street, “if someone I was still in love with invited me to their wedding, I wouldn’t want to go either.”  
“Still... still in love with?” I ask. Keris glances over at me, nodding. I shake my head. “I’m not still in love with her. I’ve barely even missed her these past few months. It’s just the principle of the thing. She’s-“  
“No,” Keris says, pulling the car over to the curb, looking completely lost, “I meant Baz.”  
My heart freezes and drops into my stomach. What the hell is she talking about? I don’t even know how to respond to that, so I just stare at her with my mouth open like a baby bird.   
Keris’ confused expression turns into an uncertain one, “Well, I just thought that maybe you still had feelings for him... you and Agatha never seemed to be right for each other but you and Baz were positively gagging for each other for years, weren’t you?”   
My eyes go wide and my breathing has become shallow, “I think you’ve got the wrong idea... I’ve to go now, Keris,” I sputter. I unbuckle my seatbelt and wrench the door open as quickly as I can manage, “Thanks for the ride; it was nice seeing you and all.”   
“You too, Simon,” she says, “Good luck.”  
{+}

 

 

I slam the car door and start scrambling up the sidewalk. I get about ten feet away when I realize I have no idea where Keris has just dropped me off. I turn around to look for her, but all I can make out now are her taillights.   
I look up at the buildings around me and see that she’s brought me to several pubs within walking distance of each other. I turn on my heel and start walking to the closest one. 

I take a seat on the hard wooden stool and wave the bartender over. It’s not busy here, given that it’s a Tuesday night, at least I think it’s Tuesday, this jet lag has been a bitch.   
The bartender is giving me a look that tells me he’s trying to place where he knows me from. Please don’t ask for my ID.   
“Can I get a Seven and Seven?” I ask.  
“Sure thing, kid,” he responds, and starts making my drink. I like this guy already.  
I look around the bar at the other patrons then down at the drink that’s just been set in front of me. Here we go.   
I’m not too keen on drinking alone, but ever since I lost my magic, my home, my friend, my mentor and now my would-be fiancé, I’ve gotten it down to an art.  
“To weddings,” I toast to no one and down the drink in one gulp. The bartender looks at me with a mix of concern and shock. I scoot my empty glass towards him, “Keep them coming.”


	7. Chapter 7

SIMON  
An hour later or so? I’m not quite sure because I am quite drunk, I make a trip to the men’s room. I feel like I’m wading waist deep in Seagram’s Seven now and I still don’t feel any better about Agatha marrying Baz. I grip the wet counter in front of me and shake my head, but I can’t knock this gnawing, wretched thought out of my mind; the one that’s been haunting me since I saw the article...  
“It should be me,” I say aloud to my reflection. He nods in agreement then stops and gives me the hard truth, just like he always does, “You blew it. You had your chance, and you blew it.”  
“Get fucked,” I reply. 

I stumble out of the wash room and start making my way back to my barstool only to find it occupied.  
“Keris?”  
“Oh good! You’re still here. I gave the bartender your description and he said you were here and you are,” she’s beaming at me and holding tight to one of my hands. I’m grateful for both. I needed to see a friendly face and I’m not sure I could stand still like this on my own.  
“Here I am,” I say, gesturing grandly to myself, “You came to drink with me?”  
“Not exactly,” she says while guiding me to the seat next to her, “You left your phone in my car and... well, I just felt really awful leaving you alone and I thought maybe I upset you by what I said and-“  
“M’not upset,” I lie.  
Keris looks me up and down, “Clearly.”  
“M’not,” I say again, “I’m just celebrating.”  
“I see,” she says, still sounding unconvinced. “Well, let’s celebrate together, huh?” Keris stands up and offers me a hand. “You settle up here, and I’ll go get the car. Meet me out front, yeah?” Keris nods and I mimic the motion, “Good man.”

BAZ 

I follow Dev to the front door of the club. Everyone in our party is forming a line in front of the bouncer to show their driver’s licenses. Now’s my chance, while everyone is distracted and excited.  
I press play on my phone screen and it starts ringing. I place it to my ear and start to act like I can’t hear whoever is calling. I walk over to Dev and give him a fake apology, excusing myself to a quieter spot on the sidewalk.  
I have a fake conversation with Agatha for a moment then distractedly start wandering away. Once they’re inside they’ll never notice that I’m gone.  
I walk for about three blocks then take in my surroundings to give my driver an accurate description of where to pick me up. I start walking towards a cozy, inviting-looking pub. I’ll just duck in here to avoid being seen in case one of my mates decides to come looking for me.  
I nearly step in a huge puddle in my haste to get inside, but another patron grabs my arm before I ruin my shoes. “Thank you,” I say, looking up at the man. He nods his head and continues walking. When I look back towards the pub I stop dead in my tracks. He came. I can’t believe he actually came. We sent him a courtesy invite along with Bunce’s since he’s living with her in America now.  
“I’ll be damned,” I whisper to myself as  
I watch the bronze haired hero of my nightmares stride over to a black SUV and climb in next to a girl with brown hair.  
Before I can fully process what I’m doing, I leap into a yellow cab and throw a hundred at the driver.  
“Follow that SUV.”

SIMON

“So, where are we going?” I ask, not really caring what the answer is. Keris has to know where all of the best places to go are since she’s a driver and all. Besides, she came back for me. She didn’t abandon me like everyone else. For all intents and purposes, she’s my new best friend. She could say that we’re going to shave our heads and get matching tattoos that say “bean curd” in Mandarin and I’d be down.  
“We’re going back to the Bunces’,” she says flatly.  
“What? No!” I argue, “I thought we were celebrating.” I’m on the verge of being a whiny tit but I can’t find it in me to care.  
“We will once we get there,” she calmly asserts. She’s starting to remind me of Penny. “You’re a mess right now, Simon. Do you really want to be out?”  
“Yes, I bloody do. I don’t want to sit at the house and think and feel sorry for myself,” I cross my arms and look out the window, “I don’t want to go back to the Bunces’ at all. I don’t want to see Penny when she gets back. I’m not mad at her or anything, I just don’t want to know what time she gets in or how much fun she’s had.”  
Keris growls something that I don’t understand, then turns to me a bit, “Where do you want to go then?” She asks, “Not a bar.” The no nonsense look on her face tells me that there will be no negotiating about that, but the place I want to go isn’t a bar at all. I want to go home.  
“Watford,” I say, “Take me to Watford.”


	8. Chapter 8

SIMON 

“Still looks exactly the same,” Keris remarks. She’s bent over the steering wheel, looking up at the Weeping Tower. My eyes are drawn to Mummers House and the turret that I called home for eight years. I sigh and nod my agreement.   
“Do you want me to come in with you?” Keris asks. She looks concerned so I give her my best shot at a sincere smile.   
“No,no,” I say, “I’m good.”  
“Ok, then. Take your phone this time. Call me if you need anything,” she tosses my cell to me and I stow it in my back pocket. Once I’ve shut the car door, Keris salutes me and backs out of her spot. I give the bumper a small kick and wave to her.   
I look up at Watford and scrub a hand through my hair. So many memories here. Not all bad... I’m not sure if I’m quite up for this blast from the past but now seems like as good a time as any. Who knows when I’ll come back to England? Also, it’s summer break, so I should have the place to myself which is a plus. Mitali doesn’t stay here much during the summer. Besides, she’s away with her husband.  
I take my time walking up to the gate. I half expect it to have forgotten me, but as soon as place my hand against the cool iron, it swings open, just as it always did. I start making my way to Mummers House straight away. I know what I’m here for. No need to beat around the bush.  
Everything really does look exactly the same. It’s like walking through a dream. I place my hand on the wall by the door to Mummers House and it remembers me to. I hear the soft click of the lock and I pull the door open.   
I walk in, look up towards my old room, and let out a low whistle. That’s a lot of stairs. I start climbing, eager to see the Oasis of my youth.   
As soon as I enter the room and click on the light, I’m overwhelmed and a bit disoriented. Everything is different. This isn’t my room at all. I mean, it’s the same room, but it’s not my room. There’s only one large desk under the window where Baz’s smaller one used to sit. There’s one full size bed where my twin used to be and the whole room filled with books. Books and books and more books.   
“Seems they’ve gone back to using this room for staff housing,” a voice drawls just behind me. I start and twist around then feel my whole body go lax at the sight of him...  
“Baz,” I whisper.   
Baz starts to smile at me then thinks better of it and just bites his lip instead. I’ve never seen him look so uncomfortable.  
“Snow,” he says, “fancy meeting you here,” he dips his chin a bit.  
“What are you doing here?” I’m still whispering. I’m not sure why. I just have the odd feeling that Baz may be some sort of illusion or corporeal memory and if I speak too loudly he might disappear.  
Baz sniffs and starts looking around the room. He picks up a book and begins inspecting it.  
“Thought I’d take a trip down memory lane.”  
“Before starting your new life tomorrow?” I ask. I’ve found my voice now. And my anger. I should punch his fucking lights out right now.   
“Something like that,” he replies. He puts the book down and sits at the desk, swiveling the chair around to face me again. “Better chair than we had,” he remarks, bouncing a bit then rocking back and forth.   
“Have you been drinking?” I ask.  
“I’m not drunk,” he says. He sniffs again and looks over at the bed. A small smile plays at his mouth.  
“Something funny?” I ask. I still haven’t moved. I’m still too scared that this isn’t real.   
“I was just thinking that if this were the furniture arrangements while we were in school, we would have had a much better go of it.”   
“Yes, I’m sure you would have loved having this room all to yourself,” I snap, “It wasn’t a picnic for me either.”   
Baz runs a hand through his silky black hair. He still wears it long. Even longer than before actually.  
“That’s not what I-“ he begins but something occurs to me so I cut him off.  
“Isn’t it your stag night? Shouldn’t you be getting a lap dance or something?”  
“Well, I don’t know if I’d say anyone should be doing that, but yes, it is my stag night,” he says.  
“Then why are you here?” I ask.  
“I saw you... walking out of the pub,” he says apprehensively, “and I followed you.”  
“But why?” I press.   
“I wanted to see if you were all right,” he says, looking away from me and straightening his tie.   
I bark out a humorless laugh and plop down on the bed with my head in my hands.   
“Lovely,” I snap, “Of course I’m not fucking all right.”

BAZ

I want to go to him. I want to stand up right now and go and comfort him. I want to put an arm around him and bring him in close and tell him everything will be okay. I could, I suppose. We said we were friends all those years ago. Friends comfort friends, right?   
I just know that I’m the reason for his heart ache and I’d be no comfort to him. Everything won’t be okay... not really.  
“I fucked up, Baz,” Snow says through his fingers.   
“You didn’t fuck up,” I say, automatically. And it’s the truth. Agatha explained it all to me. Simon is perfect, she’d said, she just couldn’t give him what he wanted. She thinks she’s broken, but I disagree. “Agatha’s just different from other people. She doesn’t feel things the way we do,” I stop right there. Agatha should really explain this to him herself. And I’ll make sure that she does. He doesn’t deserve to feel like this.  
I wish I could go to him.

SIMON

I pull my fingers away from my face and look at Baz. This could be the last time that I do. He looks perfect, as always, the tosser.   
“You should just go,” I say to him. _Before I say something I regret,_ I add silently.  
He stands up and looks at me uncertainly.   
I roll my eyes, “I’m fine, you git. You’ve done your civic duty for the night, now go. Agatha will be organizing a search party for you soon.”   
Baz nods and gives me an odd look. I’m not sure what to make of it. He almost looks sad, but it’s dark in here, so I’m probably wrong.   
“Right,” is all he says, then he makes his way to the door. I don’t watch him go. I can’t. “I missed... this room,” he says.  
“Yeah, me too,” I respond. I still don’t look at him. I hear the doorknob turn and I close my eyes for good measure. I won’t look.   
“What?” Baz asks.   
“I didn’t say anything,” I snap.  
“No, not you,” he says, half irritated, “The door won’t open.”   
I leap up from the bed and walk over to him, “Let me try,” I say, elbowing him out of the way.   
“It won’t open,” he says as if I’m daft.   
He’s right. It won’t budge. I kick at it, bang my shoulder into it, and jostle the knob again and again to no avail.  
I look over at Baz.  
“Are you quite finished?” He asks, pulling his wand out of his sleeve.   
I move aside as he tries Open Sesame. Nothing happens. He tries a few more spells in languages I don’t understand then looks at me expectantly.  
“What? You want me to hit it again?” I ask. It’s all I’m good for.   
“There has to be a way out of this room,” he says.   
As soon as he says it, something dawns on me. A memory of Dev saying the same thing in this very room about nine years ago. He was studying with Baz and they lost track of time. It was after lights out when Dev finally realized how late it was, and that he was stuck in the room til morning.  
“Baz, this room remembers us,” I tell him.  
“Yes, I realize that, Snow. It’s how we got in,” he says.  
I shake my head. He’s not understanding me, “Baz, we have a curfew.”


	9. Chapter 9

SIMON

“Oh shit,” Baz gasps. He starts pacing back and forth and tugging at his hair, and now I see why Penny always tells me it’s unnerving when I do it. He looks like a mad man.  
“Okay, just calm down, Baz,” I say as gently as I can manage, “We’re adults now, surely we can manage to get out of this room. We’ve cell phones. Call someone.”  
Baz nods excitedly and pulls his phone from his breast pocket. He scrolls through his contacts and dials someone quickly. “Dev, it’s me,” he barks, “call me when you get this. It’s urgent.” I roll my eyes. He’s so dramatic. He hangs up, swearing and looks over at me. I take the cue and dial Penny.  
“Straight to voicemail,” I tell him.  
There’s one person left to call and we both know it.  
Baz gives me a somber look then scrolls through his phone again.  
“Agatha! Hello? Agatha?” On the other end of the phone we can hear loud music and louder conversations. Finally a female chorus of “Hiiii, Baaaaz!” comes through the line.  
“Crowley, it’s all of them,” he mutters to me. I let out a small snort.  
“Hello, ladies. So sorry, but I can’t play right now. Might I speak with Agatha?”  
I open my mouth and silently mime gagging myself. He’s being ridiculously kind to her friends.  
Baz covers the mouthpiece with two fingers, “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, Snow.”  
We listen as the girls cat call Agatha and as she politely excuses herself. After a moment, it’s quiet and we can only hear Agatha, “What’s up, pal?”  
I look at Baz in confusion. ‘Pal?’ I mouth. That’s a weird pet name for a fiancé. Baz shoos me away.  
“Actually, Agatha, I was hoping you could come pick me up,” he says.  
“I’m drunk! Call for a car,” she replies.  
“Well, it’s not that simple,” he tells her, “We’re in a bit of a bind and we need Penny.”  
“Oh right! She can get into our room!” I yank on his arm excitedly.  
“Are you with Simon?” Agatha asks.  
“No,” he says, the looks at me. I frown at him, “Well not no...but...yes,” he grinds out.  
“Wait, so, what?” Agatha is completely confused, and I don’t blame her.  
“Agatha, I will explain later, just come- Shit!”  
“Come shit?” I ask.  
“My phone died,” he sighs.  
“You’re shitting me,” I take the phone from his hand and sure enough: dead. “Don’t you have a charger?” I ask.  
“Uh, not on me, Snow,” Baz pats his pockets theatrically, “Call her from your phone.”  
“I don’t have her number anymore. Do you know it by heart?” I ask.  
Baz rakes a hand through his hair and shakes his head.  
Fuck.  
I walk over to the window and throw it open. I look down at the moat. I can barely make out the merwolves’ shadows looming beneath the surface.  
“One of us could jump for it,” I joke. I look at Baz over my shoulder. He’s less than amused.  
“Remember to stick the landing,” he says.  
“We could signal someone,” I suggest.  
“Like who, Snow? The merwolves? I doubt they’ve been trained to call for aid,” he snaps. He crosses his arms over his chest and sits down on the bed with a huff. He crosses his legs to complete the whole angry pretzel look.  
I laugh at the mental image, and Baz looks up at me with a sour expression. This just makes me laugh even harder.  
“What could you possibly find funny at a time like this?” He asks.  
“I just bet you wish you hadn’t followed me now...” I laugh even harder now as his eyes widen.  
“Well excuse me for wanting to see if you were okay,” he pouts.  
I wipe a tear from my eye and quiet my laughter. “I already told you, I’m not,” I say. He looks at me very seriously and opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him. “I’ll never be okay with this. It should be me,” I confess.  
“I told you, it wasn’t about you, really,” Baz says. He swipes a hand across his face then plants it in his hair. “Look, this marriage was arranged by our parents a long time ago. They gave us until I turned twenty four to find other prospects, but neither of us did. No one we could marry anyway,” he looks down at his feet, and I’m at a loss. I was willing to marry Agatha... I’d be willing to...  
“It should be me,” I repeat.  
“Are you dense?” He asks. He’s getting angry now, “She doesn’t have romantic feelings for anyone. Ever.”  
“No,” I say, shutting him up. He looks up at me in confusion.  
“I’m lost, Snow. Care to elaborate?” And he thinks I’m thick. I have to spell everything out for him.  
I can’t make myself say the words. Maybe I’m not so brave after all...

I cross the room and sit down next to him, “I’m tired, Baz.” The alcohol has stopped making me feel uninhibited and free. Now I just feel heavy and sleepy.  
“So am I,” he agrees. He tilts his head down and looks up at me through his long eyelashes.  
“Maybe we should just go to sleep,” I sigh, “the curfew will be over in the morning, and we can just leave then.”  
Baz sighs again and nods, “Yes, you’re right.”  
Baz stands up and shrugs his jacket off. He hangs it on the back of the desk chair like I’ve seen him do hundreds of times before.  
“So, who gets the bed?” I ask, gesturing to the mattress behind us.  
Baz puts a hand over his heart, “I’m not sleeping on the floor if that’s what you’re suggesting.”  
“Well, I’m the one who said we should just stay, so I should get the bed,” I counter.  
“What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Baz spits.  
We argue like that for a good fifteen minutes.  
“This is stupid,” Baz finally says, “Why don’t we just be adults about this?”  
I look at him squarely in the eyes and nod, “Rock, paper, scissors, then?” I ask.  
Baz covers his mouth and chuckles, “Let’s just share, you idiot,” he says.

BAZ

What the hell am I thinking?

“I’m sorry, did you say share?” Simon asks. His face has gone somehow paler and redder at the same time.  
“Yes, Snow,” I roll my eyes in a effort to look put out instead of completely scared shitless. “It’s a novel concept for you, I know, but surely you can give it a try.”  
“Hey,” Snow says looking like a wounded puppy, “I share all the time, ok? I live with Penny. We share everything. I’m just surprised that _Mr. Don’t Come On My Side of the Room_ wants to share a bed with me.”  
I give him a meaningful look then sigh dramatically. I sit down at the desk and start untying my shoes.  
“I’m exhausted, Snow. I am going to get in that bed. If you want to stop being a baby and join me, fine. If not, that’s fine too. You’ll never know I’m there either way.” I stride across the room feeling much less confident than I look and sound. Truth is, I’ll be just a little bit completely crushed if I find out that Snow hates me enough to curl up on the floor like a dog.  
“Wanna bet?” Snow mumbles under his breath. He tears his jacket off and drops it on the floor then toes out of his sneakers.  
I spell the lights off then I scoot all the way over until my hip touches the wall, giving Snow plenty of room to sprawl out. I’m more than familiar with his sleeping habits.  
To my surprise, he doesn’t hesitate at all. As soon as I’m settled, he practically hurdles himself into the bed next to me.  
I overestimated the size of the bed or, underestimated the width of Snow’s shoulders because his is now pressed up against mine and I think I may die for the contact. At least I’d die happy.  
I’m laying in a bed with Simon Snow.  
I can’t contain the smile that forms on my face.  
“Baz,” Snow whispers, and I melt a bit more. I hum to indicate that I’m listening. “Are you marrying Agatha to hurt me?”  
Oh.


	10. Chapter 10

SIMON

I lay in the dark waiting for his answer. I need to know. If it is to hurt me, maybe I can talk him out of it.   
Baz clears his throat. It’s a haughty sound. I know he just does it to give himself time to gather his thoughts or think of what to say though.  
“I’m marrying her in spite of hurting you,” he says carefully, “I would never hurt you, Simon. Not intentionally.”  
“Then why? Because your parents say so? That doesn’t sound like you. Like either of you.” I just don’t understand any of this. I feel like I’m living in my own personal nightmare.  
“Agatha and I are friends and we came to an agreement that acquiescence to our parents terms would be beneficial for both of us. That’s all you need to know.”  
“Bullshit that’s all I need to know,” I interject, “Do you love her?”  
“Not the way a person traditionally loves the person they’re going to marry, but yes, I do,” he states.  
“And she doesn’t love you... not like that,” it’s not a question but he shakes his head anyway. “She wouldn’t marry me because she felt that way, but she’ll marry you?” I ask. It’s not fair to ask him that. He doesn’t know what she’s thinking or what she was thinking before.  
“She wants more for you,” he says flatly.  
Or maybe he does.  
“Well, what about you? Where’s your more?” I prop myself up on my elbow and turn to him. I can’t really make him out well, but I know he can see me.   
“I can’t have it,” he says. I give him a withering look and he sighs, “I’m in love with someone I can’t have.” 

BAZ 

Snow looks like someone just told him that his cat died. I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have refused to get into this whole conversation. He needs to talk to Agatha. Damn her for not explaining anything before sending the invitations.  
“I know how you feel,” he says. He’s gone back to whispering. What is it about the dark that makes people want to be quieter? I like it.  
“You’ll get over her,” I tell him. I pull the blanket up over my shoulder and turn so that I’m facing the wall. Hopefully, the dolt will take the hint.  
“I’m already over her,” he murmurs.   
I bristle at his words. I flip over to face him, “Then What was with all the ‘It should be me’ talk?”  
Snow looks like he’s about ready to explode. It’s odd seeing him like this and not feeling even a hint of his magic. I miss it. I never thought I would but I do. I miss the smell and the warmth. Before it started choking me with its smoke, of course.   
“I didn’t mean...” he grabs a fistful of his hair and looks up to the ceiling. I briefly think about telling him to use his words like I did when we were younger, but instead, I take a different approach.   
I reach out and place a hand on his arm. I immediately feel the tension leave him, and to my ultimate surprise, he takes his hand from his hair and folds it over mine. He looks me in the eyes and takes a deep breath,  
“I meant it should be me in her place, not yours.” 

 

SIMON

There. I said it. It’s out there.   
I feel lighter from the admission for about 2 seconds. Then the lamp magically snaps on behind me. 

Baz has snatched his hand out from under mine and he’s looking down at me. He looks positively murderous. 

“You said we could only be friends,” he says.   
I swallow and sit up, facing him. He’s talking about that night, after the leaver’s ball. 

We came back to our room to see it one last time, and we were laughing and joking and talking about our futures. I didn’t feel like I had one at the time, but Baz was going to do great things. He was going to set the world on fire.   
I told him so too, and that’s when he kissed me. On the cheek.   
I was so flustered that I stupidly stuck my hand out to shake his and told him that I was glad we were friends.   
He shook my hand and promptly excused himself. That was the last time I saw him. Until tonight. 

“I said I was happy that we were friends...” I begin, but Baz is in no mood for semantics.  
“You made it very clear that I was way off base,” he says.   
“I didn’t... I was... I was confused for one thing,” I say lamely, “Crowley, Baz, I was a kid. It took me weeks after that to figure out that I was in love with you.”  
“Weeks?” Baz shouts, “Just weeks? Why didn’t you tell me?”  
I look down at the quilt on the bed and start pulling at a loose thread. I absentmindedly wonder what the teacher who loves her would think about two blokes arguing in their bed.   
“I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me,” I finally answer.  
“You absolute fucking moron,” Baz bites back, “Weeks, and you didn’t say anything. It’s been _years_.”  
I tear my eyes away from the small hole I’ve made in the blanket and look up at Baz. I hate that I’ve made him so angry.   
“I realize that, Baz, but...” I shrug and bite at my lip, “I don’t know what to say.”  
“Shocking,” he growls, tucking his hair behind his ears.   
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” I admit, “but here we are.”  
“Yes, here we are,” he agrees, letting a bit of softness come back to his voice, “and just what are you saying, Snow?”   
I look at him like he’s lost his mind. I can’t help it. He still doesn’t get it? “I’ve said it,” I say with another toss of my shoulder, “I wish I could be the one marrying you instead of Agatha and I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for-“  
Baz doesn’t get to know how long I’ve been in love with him, and I don’t think he’s too concerned with that right now. His lips are pressed up against mine and his hands are in my hair. I move my lips with his and press myself closer to him.  
He’s the first to pull away. He keeps one hand in my hair and strokes my cheek with his thumb.   
“You love me,” he says with a genuine smile. It’s radiant. He’s beautiful.  
“I do,” I tell him.

BAZ

My heart actually hurts right now. It’s never felt so full.   
Simon reaches up and tucks that damned errant lock of hair behind my ear and brings his thumb down to trace my bottom lip.   
“Are you happy?” he asks stupidly. I know what he means though. Is this what I want? Is he what I want?   
“I’m very happy,” I say, pulling him closer, kissing him again, “I’ve loved you for a very long time.”   
Simon pulls away from me and reaches across the nightstand to turn off the lamp. He crawls back into my arms and kisses me again and again. He kisses me until my mouth is sore. He kisses me until the sun comes up and I’m certain the curfew spell is nearly gone.   
My suspicion is confirmed when I hear an audible click of the lock on the door and a small pop of the enchantment.  
Simon looks into my eyes with a worrisome expression, “What now?” he asks.  
“Now, I have some phone calls to make,” I say. Then I remember that my phone is dead. I have to go home and charge it. Which means leaving Watford and this room...and this bed.

SIMON

“Let’s go charge your phone then,” I say, climbing out of the bed and stretching.  
“You’re coming with me?” Baz asks.   
I look down at him, he’s so gorgeous with his mussed hair and swollen lips. I smirk a bit, satisfied. I did that.  
“Of course, I am,” I say with a shrug, “I don’t want you to catch all the hell on your own. Besides, I’m guessing I’ll have a lot of explaining to do to some of the people you call.”  
I pick my jacket up from my pile on the floor and my phone falls out. I pick it up and see that I have 24 missed calls.   
“What the hell?” I say as I unlock it. Nineteen of the calls are from Penny, three are from Micah and two are from my new BFF, Keris. I swipe Penny’s last call to dial her back.  
It only rings once before she’s shrieking in my ear, “Simon! Where are you? I’ve been so worried!”  
“I’m at Watford. I... spent the night here. I-“  
“Simon!” she yells, silencing me, “She called it off.”  
I spin around to look at a baffled Baz. He slowly gets out of the bed and walks over to me.  
“Agatha,” Penny clarifies, “She called off the wedding last night.”  
“I’ll call you back,” I say and hang up before she can reply.   
I drop my phone to the ground and take Baz’s face in my hands. I kiss him slowly and carefully in a way that lets me savor every moment. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. This is really happening. This is really me and Baz.   
“Baz,” I say, pulling away from him only enough to see his eyes properly, “Be mine.”   
Baz takes me by the shoulders and shoves me onto the bed, “I am yours,” he says, then he gives me a feral grin, “Now let’s live out some of my school fantasies, shall we?”


End file.
